I am not against marriage. I lived with someone for 11 years. But we weren't in love, and I thought that was quite important.

Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.

The rule is: don’t use commas like a stupid person. I mean it.

If you still persist in writing, "Good food at it's best", you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave.

The reason to stand up for punctuation is that without it there is no reliable way of communicating meaning.

Punctuation marks are the traffic signals of language: they tell us to slow down, notice this, take a detour, and stop.

There are people who embrace the Oxford comma and those who don't, and I'll just say this: never get between these people when drink has been taken.

Proper punctuation is both the sign and the cause of clear thinking.

Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' and comedians like Paul Merton.

Texting is a fundamentally sneaky form of communication, which we should despise, but it is such a boon we don't care. We are all sneaks now.

Texting is a supremely secretive medium of communication - it's like passing a note - and this means we should be very careful what we use it for.

Two great things happened to me. One was that I survived. The other was that I met you, because I knew why

Mother often said that she could never be bothered to understand why Alice did the things she did, and now, more than ever, Alice thought never being bothered was a very lazy way to love someone.

There is a difference between being remembered and being caught by the mesh of one's mind.

Girls are like Pokemon, it doesn't matter how good you are, you can't catch any if you don't have any balls.

If we fail to give our time with those we love, one day we will live to regret it.

The true test of a person's character is how they treat the people in life that they don't need.

You can't please everybody. You['d] be crazy if you're trying to. So take some time out to do some things for yourself.

The word accounting comes from the word accountability. If you are going to be rich, you need to be accountable for your money.

The girl who swears no one has ever made love to her has a right to swear.

The most important thing is family.