I am able to apply certain things to my craft that maybe other comedians don't, because I'm a devotee.

Telling me that I’m obsessed with talking about racism in America is like telling me I’m obsessed with swimming when I’m drowning.

I don't tie my shoes right. I tie them the way you would tie a gift, like a bow.

We've never had a female President in this country, which I find stunning

For years now, people have mentioned my mustache and get disappointed that when they see me live I don't have a mustache.

Another stupid thing I believed for a long time was that pizza was supposed to be said peed-za.

I don't look like a lot of fun. I just don't.

There are a lot of times where people think I'm in things that I'm not in, because they think I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

It's always fun when you see different comics at different weights or with different hair.

I wrote a lot of poetry in the last two years of high school, all about the same girl I was in love with. That was pretty awful. Did you know that in poetry, every line does not need to rhyme?

Horse is fine. I'll ride a horse.

Jesus Christ, from Nazareth was a glorious man in human history – a man filled with love, compassion and purity of conscience.

Remember that greed includes greed for being not greedy.

I had no name for that particular hue of orange, other than unfortunate.

Separation of power says the judiciary committee is supposed to confirm qualified judges and then what the Supreme Court does, that is their function, not my function.

Death is the monster we all fear, yet with each day, we walk toward it, and can't help doing so; we can't help but walk toward the one thing we're most trying to avoid.

The act of painting is about one heart telling another heart where he found salvation.

We live in a moment in history in which our privacy may not be important.

Shame is such an intense emotion. It just can drive you.

I've been directed by other actors, and being an actor doesn't make you a good director.

I believe that if you treat China as an enemy, then it is likely to become one.