I don't tie my shoes right. I tie them the way you would tie a gift, like a bow.

Telling me that I’m obsessed with talking about racism in America is like telling me I’m obsessed with swimming when I’m drowning.

I am able to apply certain things to my craft that maybe other comedians don't, because I'm a devotee.

We've never had a female President in this country, which I find stunning

For years now, people have mentioned my mustache and get disappointed that when they see me live I don't have a mustache.

Another stupid thing I believed for a long time was that pizza was supposed to be said peed-za.

I don't look like a lot of fun. I just don't.

There are a lot of times where people think I'm in things that I'm not in, because they think I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

It's always fun when you see different comics at different weights or with different hair.

I wrote a lot of poetry in the last two years of high school, all about the same girl I was in love with. That was pretty awful. Did you know that in poetry, every line does not need to rhyme?

Horse is fine. I'll ride a horse.

Love is the only memory one never loses, Isaac.” His father had said. “Because even if one loses his mind the memory always remains in the heart.

When you have got the greatest mountain of hardship that you’ve ever faced to deal with, you also have the greatest opportunity to act on a stronger faith than you’ve ever acted on before.

I'm always drooling over great design, from fashion to furniture.

I reserve the right, as president of the United States to meet with anybody at a time and place of my choosing if I think it's going to keep America safe.

Among all the kinds of serpents, there is none comparable to the Dragon.

You have no idea of how many people have control of your life. Make lists of people you trust and love and constantly examine the people in your life.

If I know the way home and am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way because I am staggering from side to side!

A man who is intentionally unarmed relies upon the Unseen Force called God by poets, but called the Unknown by scientists.

If I had a bucket list, I'd say raising my four girls to be strong, good women would be No. 1.

The cultural differences between Germany and Nigeria were extreme. The way they dress, the way they carry themselves, their religion. For two years I was overwhelmed.