We've never had a female President in this country, which I find stunning

Telling me that I’m obsessed with talking about racism in America is like telling me I’m obsessed with swimming when I’m drowning.

I don't tie my shoes right. I tie them the way you would tie a gift, like a bow.

I am able to apply certain things to my craft that maybe other comedians don't, because I'm a devotee.

For years now, people have mentioned my mustache and get disappointed that when they see me live I don't have a mustache.

Another stupid thing I believed for a long time was that pizza was supposed to be said peed-za.

I don't look like a lot of fun. I just don't.

There are a lot of times where people think I'm in things that I'm not in, because they think I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

It's always fun when you see different comics at different weights or with different hair.

I wrote a lot of poetry in the last two years of high school, all about the same girl I was in love with. That was pretty awful. Did you know that in poetry, every line does not need to rhyme?

Horse is fine. I'll ride a horse.

I wish I had a memory of that first violent shove, the shock of cold air, the sting of oxygen into new lungs. Everyone should remember being born. It doesn't seem fair that we only remember dying.

Never speak of a man in his own presence. It is always indelicate and may be offensive .

For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles, it only changes them.

Managers have people second-guessing them all the time.

The American political system is not good at trading sacrifice now to prevent crises later.

Arizona's law makes what is already a federal offense - being in the country illegally - a state offense. Some critics seem not to understand Arizona's right to assert concurrent jurisdiction.

The thing you notice here after America is how refreshingly ordinary people look, because they haven't had their chin wrapped around the back of their ears.

I feel like a Mac store! I have a Canadian iPhone, an American iPhone and an iPad. I'm constantly downloading music to iTunes.

The only thing I have to give to make you smile, to win you with, are all the mornings still to live.

Style is something very individual, very personal, and in their own unique way, I believe everyone is stylish.