I am a man of simple tastes easily satisfied with the best

Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.

The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

Stars are born out of dark moments.

It is better to travel hopefully than to arrive.

I'm not going out there and doing the same material every night. I have this amazing audience of fans who have been listening to me, some of them since 1975.

Unexplained, obscure matters are regarded as more important than explained, clear ones.

It's never too late to move to a good place to try to improve your child's outcomes in adulthood.

If you can't be committed to another person, at least be committed to the concept of character and don't cheat.

Just thinking that my dog loves me more than I love him, I feel shame.

If that's the only thing that's stopping war then thank God for the bomb.

Oh, I know my family's not of royal blood, but you needn't throw it in my face all the time.