Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Reality is messy, but fairytale is clean

When I was young, I used to wish I would fit in… I’m glad I didn’t get my wish.

The promise of any artwork is that it can hold us - viewer and maker - in a conflicted or contestable space, without real-world injury or loss.

"You're a perfect devil, Lestat!" he was saying. "That's what you are! You are the devil himself!"

Idling is not my strong suit.

It is life, more than death, that has no limits.

To love someone so deeply means also that it will hurt a thousand times more when he disappoints or leaves you

Me just being myself in public or on TV is the biggest nightmare in the world.

As a woman, I feel women get the shaft all the time.

My innocence is a dying flower