Hey, if you decided to tear up the town, you can always use the leftover bread from my breakfast in place of your cane. I'm pretty sure it's hard enough to bust heads.

Cassandra,” he said, “I hope you know that poaching Muppets is illegal in this country.

When I bite you, it'll be because I want to make your toes curl and your hair stand on end. And you won't need stitches afterward. You'll need crutches.

All you can do is hang in there and hope you don't get motion sickness and puke all over the newspapers.

The girl in me wanted to slap Lung across his face and yell, "Get your eyes off my sticky buns, ya creep!

Cool! Now I can steal some rich old coot's Ferrari and go fishing for marlin with the same piece of jewelry.

Sometimes things would be so much simpler if you could just pull out your gun and shoot the bad guy. Reason number seventeen why Indiana Jones is my hero.

Apparently you don't have to observe the Rules of Etiquette when reuniting with a muderous spouse.

That's what I'd call him if he was my dog. Jacket-humper. Kinda had a ring to it. Although it seemed a little long for vet visits and intros to lady dogs.

There you go. Use your granddaughter to pick up women. That'll get you points in heaven.

I'm sure it's nothing switching to a light beer won't cure.

Begin each day with God. It will change your priorities.

You can twist perception, reality won't budge

And your fear boils my fu*king blood Angel, makes me fu*king hungry, do you know that? ~Sade~

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

If you don't handle [exceptions], we shut your application down. That dramatically increases the reliability of the system.

This year I'd rather lead the league in home runs, runs batted in and hitting.

At one point, I actually, ironically, thought I might go into criminology and work with the FBI.

I think really that you shouldn't run as a conservative if you're not.

I was just tired of losing... Life was passing me by.

Being diagnosed with cancer really opened my eyes to the fact anyone can have it and that even though we think we have control over everything in our lives, we don't.