Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Smile to enjoy the beauties of life.

The thing about perspective-changing events is that they usually don't announce themselves as such.

Justice is the truth in action.

When a man takes the road to destruction, the gods help him along.

Happiness is the moment when one doesn't feel pain.

The body is more drest then the soule.

I am proud to be a conservative ... but I am also proud throughout my life to have attracted the support and the love and affection of people from all over America and all parts of it.

Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

I'll toss my coins in the fountain, Look for clovers in grassy lawns Search for shooting stars in the night Cross my fingers and dream on.

I have argued above that we cannot prevent the Singularity, that its coming is an inevitable consequence of the humans natural competitiveness and the possibilities inherent in technology.