Guys don't do that when they go out. Guys don't wear outfits that feature the dong.

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.

As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture.

The body cannot take chronic terror

The universe was a vast expanse, far greater than he could ever conceive, and he had seen but a fraction of an inch of it.

I am a deeply superficial person.

Luck relies on chance, labor on character.

To live is in itself a value judgment. To breathe is to judge.

I think we should worry about Social Security first and then tax cuts second.

I loved her like a rabbit loves a rattlesnake

My aim is to make the viewer become aware of his or her responsibility in what he or she is looking at.

The question for me is whether we can keep Earth a safe, pleasant place for humankind and the ecosystems we rely on.

I really believe deep in my soul that we're going to have to step up and face these challenges and be tough and pull together and unify and be creative and be willing to sacrifice.