God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

The trouble with writing fiction is that it has to make sense, whereas real life doesn't.

Daddy, how come in Kansas City the bagels taste like just round bread?

The Key to Abundance is Acceptance. The more you expect the less you accept.

To me, good health is more than just exercise and diet. Its really a point of view and a mental attitude you have about yourself.

Peace of mind is the basis of a healthy body and a healthy mind; so peace of mind, a calm mind, is very, very important.

There are a lot of lessons to be learned. We can all learn lessons.

I don't work well outside the lines; my report card once read, "doesn't play well with others."

All you can do is every day, try to solve a problem and make your company better

At a better pace, slower and more calculated No chance of escape.

Let us keep courage and try to be patient and gentle. And let us not mind being eccentric, and make distinction between good and evil.