Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

Peace begins in the mind with a simple thought of love and kindness for all.

And the movement in your brainSends you out into the rain

Explore your special skills.

You think, because you have a purpose, Nature must have one. You might as well expect it to have fingers and toes because you do.

Repartee is altogether a natural endowment, and is the lightning of the mind.

Some degree of novelty must be one of the materials in almost every instrument which works upon the mind; and curiosity blends itself, more or less, with all our pleasures.

It is difficult to steer a parked car, so get moving.

The idea behind doing comedies is that you go home a little happier.

Never tell a loved one of an infidelity: you would be badly rewarded for your troubles. Although one dislikes being deceived, one likes even less to be undeceived.

Since I couldn't actuate the things that I wanted to do, the only weapon I had was to say no.