Everything of mine which has been filmed so far has been one character short, and that character is me.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center.

He didn't look like a soldier at all. He looked like a filthy flamingo.

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

Perhaps I am the turtle, able to live simply anywhere, even underwater for short periods, with my home on my back.

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.

We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Heaven has appointed us dwellers on earth a time for all things.

The man who never in his life Has washed the dishes with his wife Or polished up the silver plate - He still is largely celibate.

To me, error analysis is the sweet spot for improvement.

With socialized medicine, the trick is not to die while waiting for treatment.

When animals age, some humans see them as less valuable, less important and less entertaining.

death ... is not a great affair! Think - it happens once only - to each of us - as birth does. What do you know about being born? that - and no more - will you know about the act of death.

I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.

I was born and raised with crocodiles; they are a piece of cake. But kids are so ... unpredictable.

I reported everything I was given, even if I didn't keep - I did not keep the vast majority of it.

How I like the boldness of the English, how I like the people who say what they think!