Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Just because an idea is true doesn't mean it can be proved. And just because an idea can be proved doesn't mean it's true.

Liberty a word without which all other words are vain.

The colonel's lady and Judy O'Grady Are sisters under their skins.

To work with the hands or brain, according to our requirements and our capacities, to do that which lies before us to do, is more honorable than rank and title.

I bowled a 129... It was like the Special Olympics or something!

The most miserable pettifogging in the world is that of a man in the court of his own consciences.

There has yet to be a human to survive a span of history without at least one end of the world.

Wherever I go I need a period of incubation so that I may learn the essence of nature, which never wishes to be understood or yield herself.

As long as vitalism and spiritualism are open questions so long will the gateway of science be open to mysticism.

No matter how many people you kill, using a machine gun in battle is not a war crime because it does not cause unnecessary suffering; it simply performs its job horrifyingly well.