Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Happyish. Well, happyish isn't so bad.''It's the most we can hope for.

The Play's the Thing, wherein I'll catch the conscience of the King.

Once you get people laughing they're listening and you can tell them almost anything.

I don't criticize myself; I criticize my body.

Every woman dreams of love. When she is young she prays she will find it. When she is middle aged she hopes for it and when she is old she remembers it.

I am endlessly fascinated that playing football is considered a training ground for leadership, but raising children isn't.

My evolution into becoming a photojournalist started with falling in love with literature when I was a teenager, falling in love with novels and imagining a life of being a storyteller.

I'm very serious; I don't waste my earnings.

Dogs have never hurt me. Only men have.

The goal is to keep having fun. Not let that pressure get to me and still be Missy.