Elizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way.

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

...you never knew anybody completely. Not even yourself.

There are words which a man cannot resist from a woman, even though he knows them to be false.

At great expense, we have built a vast system of inter-connecting stupidities.

I don't know what that weid fantasy is that makes people go, "Oh, you must have had a great childhood."

We can refute assertions, but who can refute silence?

Hope does not always require probability.

A ballplayer has two reputations, one with the other players and one with the fans. The first is based on ability. The second the newspapers give him.

God listens not to your words save when He Himself utters them through your lips.

He foresaw the platooning that managers like Casey Stengel used years before it happened. He told me I had to be a switch-hitter if I was going to play.

An interest in the brain requires no justification other than a curiosity to know why we are here, what we are doing here, and where we are going.