Don’t kiss me,” she said warningly. “I don’t intend to,” he replied, smiling a little. “I don’t have my whip and chair with me.

If you're looking for Mr. Perfect, you‟re going to spend your whole life being disappointed, because he doesn‟t exist. You have to get the best deal you can, but there will always be problems.

I have a real low tolerance for parasites, and you're so close to the limit that I'm already reaching for the flea powder.

A village somewhere was missing it's idiot.

Sign by elevator put up by computer geeks in office building: REMEMBER: FIRST YOU PILAGE, THEN YOU BURN. THOSE WHO DO NOT COMPLY WILL BE SUSPENDED FROM THE RAIDING TEAM. In Mr Perfect

Women were always complications, bless their perverse little hearts.

Pleasure was a siren, luring her to experience more

I'm not holding you against your will; I'm holding you against your car.

If death turned out to be a lack of being rather than a lack of consciousness, well, then, that sucked.

He needed a woman. Bad.

The world was divided into two groups: those who showered at night, and those who showered in the morning.

I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

Fellowship with human beings opens up to fellowship with God

...Many shadows hide behind light, and the best lies are those seasoned liberally with truth: salt covering the flavor of rotten meat.

Our restlessness in this world seems to indicate that we are intended for a better. We have all of us a longing after happiness

In college football brad, you know, when you make a first down, first downs that you have possession of aren't really that important because if you make a first down it stops the clock

It is not a matter of wishing success to the victim of aggression, but of sharing his fate; one must accompany him to his death or to victory

If we had had the right technology back then, you would have seen Eva Braun on the Donahue show and Adolf Hitler on Meet the Press.

He maybe, possibly, said that if he got word of anyone getting in your way, they’d find out whether there was any truth to the rumor about him knowing how to kill a man with paper clips.

You know those drugstore kits that tell you when you're pregnant? They should have one that tells you when you're sane.

Seeing, feeling, thinking, believing - these are the stages of how we change our style on the outside and our self-image on the inside.