Beer, of course, is actually a depressant, but poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center.

He didn't look like a soldier at all. He looked like a filthy flamingo.

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

Perhaps I am the turtle, able to live simply anywhere, even underwater for short periods, with my home on my back.

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.

We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

Do not bury our glorious orthodoxy in the treacherous pit of a spurious conservatism.

Asymmetrical warfare is a euphemism for terrorism, just like collateral damage is a euphemism for killing innocent civilians.

We're achieving better marbling and better flavor with old world wisdom that's been passed down for generations but we're still using technology.

The biggest battle for a lot of people who come out of the theater, which is where I was trained, is that they can never forget that a camera is pointed at them.

Make your wardrobe as versatile as an actress. It should be able to play many roles.

I used to sit home with my computer and write. After the Newbery, I probably spend more than half my time on the road.

Texas is a fine place for men and dogs, but hell on women and horses.

I didn't cheer in high school. I was the farthest thing from a cheerleader in high school. We made fun of cheerleaders. Everybody did!

The saxophone is an imperfect instrument, especially the tenor and soprano, as far as intonation goes. The challenge is to sing on an imperfect instrument that is outside of your body.