Ballplayers who are first to the dining room are usually last in batting averages.

Fishing, with me, has always been an excuse to drink in the daytime

Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.

A rabid sports fan is one that boos a TV set

I judge how much a man cares for a woman by the space he allots her under a jointly shared umbrella.

A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong

I can't remember ever staying for the end of a movie in which the actors wore togas.

A puck is a hard rubber disk that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another.

Rooting for the Yankees is like owning a yacht.

England produces the best fat actors.

Hockey would be a great game... if played in the mud.

Tomorrow will never call to ask your opinion

The process of trying to assimilate into an existing category in many ways runs counter to efforts to produce radical or revolutionary results.

Everyone is terrified of death, as we spend our whole lives avoiding it.

When anyone arouses my anger, I will immediately pray for them and regain my peace of soul.

Talking about things that are understandable only weighs down the mind.

things are never so indescribably ghastly that they can't get worse.

Zen has no theory. It is a non-theoretical approach into reality. It has no doctrine and no dogma - hence it has no church, no priest, no pope.

Love is a fabric which never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the water of adversity and grief.

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

Climate is an angry beast and we are poking at it with sticks