At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Evolution is not humane, but we could be.

There are times when creation can be achieved only through destruction. The urge to destroy is then a creative urge.

If I wasn’t mated, and wasn’t straight, and you were a Mage, and we hadn’t made that pact for friendship’s sake, I would totally screw you.

The best way to get thrown out of the columnists' club is to be uncertain about anything whatsoever on this earth.

You can see the life LITERALLY oozing from his body!

Alternate between short films, long form films, with or without stars, small budget or big budget films. Basically a filmmaker needs to be flexible.

The memory represents to us not what we choose but what it pleases.

It is sweet to mingle tears with tears; Griefs, where they wound in solitude, Wound more deeply.

You can listen to what people say, sure. But you will be far more effective if you listen to what people do.

Look for 3 things in a person. Intelligence, Energy, & Integrity. If they don't have the last one, don't even bother with the first two.