As an individual doing a podcast, you don't get even remotely rich. It's not something to do for money.

The worst kind of idiot is the one who doesn't think they're an idiot.

There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.

Comedians sometimes forget that there's an audience. You gotta be conscious that you're performing for other human beings.

I hate cellphones. They are not for good, they're for evil. They're for gossip.

If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro's not a good maniac.

I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny or you're not.

I felt very comfortable about myself when I was much heavier. I feel much better about myself from being fit.

By the way, to perform in front of Don Rickles, it 's not nerve-wrecking. It 's enjoyable, i am enjoying Jeff Garlin. I hope I perform in front of Don Rickles every night of my life !

One who takes the road less traveled earns the rewards most missed.

Live deep instead of fast.

We do not heal the past by dwelling there. We heal the past by living in the present.

Once you start telling people you're famous, they believe you.

I make no claim to being a business genius. You can make so much money in this business that it loses its value.

Make the decision to love this day, this place, this moment, this special experience of life with the people around you. And there will be so very much to love.

The art form is to become one with the hurdle, to make it your friend, and I embraced that process.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly.

Marriages are not normally made to avoid having children.

Despair came over her, as it will when nobody around has any sexual relevance to you.