After years of begging, I got my parents to get me a little Craig tape recorder, a reel to reel. Then I started recording voices, or recording Jonathan Winters off television and stuff like that.

I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.

If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.

That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50.

You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.

It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.

A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'

If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!

Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!

I know it's a cliche, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, we're all out of our minds. They're the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people I've ever met, my siblings.

Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.

Life is like a boxing match, it seems, society has not been able to abolish human sadness, no political system can deliver us from the pain of living, from our fear of crime

What were you supposed to say to people you barely knew? That was the kind of thing I needed lessons in - forget algebra and history.

Only when the poet and the scientist work in unison will we have living experiences and knowledge of the marvels of the universe as they are being discovered.

The essence of good advertising is not to inspire hope, but to create greed.

I'm really not a fascist. Everyone wears what they feel great in, or comfortable with. It's a beautiful day, you have an armless shirt: it goes with flip-flops.

The blood of a nation ought never to be shed except for its own preservation in the utmost extremity.

That boy is your company. And if he wants to eat up that tablecloth, you let him, you hear?

I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.

The weird thing is, in America, people were saying, "You're not going to get recognized because all you're going to see is basically your forehead and eyes."

YouTube has proven it can flourish in a model where there is more autonomy, and in that way I think it is an example and a potential model for other areas of the business.