A wedding invitation is a gift subpoena.

If the internet has taught us anything, it's that you want less news and more cats.

NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.

If we had known there was biting in soccer, we would have started watching years ago.

We love things with biting - "Twilight" movies, zombie movies, eating.

Being a model seems like a dream job - lots of new clothes, cocaine, dates with Leonardo DiCaprio. But that's just for lady models.

I love Salt Lake City. It's beautiful with all the great outdoors around you.

We're excited for when Sony greenlights the $50 million film a "Bunch Of Swirling Colors" starring George Clooney and a lava lamp.

Buddhism - Tibetan Buddhism - teaches us many things, peace comes from within, we must be free ourselves from earthly desires...

The Olympic Charter says winter sports must be played on snow or ice, so the Chess Federation says they'll play with ice pieces. The Olympic charter also says sports must be sports.

Women are using makeup to make their eyes look puffy, their noses look red, and instead of going to the gym, they start their day with a brisk walk of shame.

The hardest part of life is living it.

If you don't know how to take care of your own needs, when you try to give to others, you are giving from a bankrupt account.

It is always a great feeling going to sleep each night knowing that you pushed yourself to the limit.

If the 'Journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step' - that is prescribed to - ALIGN

Before the Internet, if someone disappeared, it meant you should go looking for them. Now it means they got a life.

If it takes you a year to cut a record, I don't know, you need to find something else to do. It really shouldn't take that long.

I always treated writing as a profession, never as a hobby. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will.

I can teach idiots to squat in ten minutes.

You're entitled to your own opinions, but not your own facts.