A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Even love becomes pain if destiny has some other designs.

What I know??That I'm always right!

I'm learning a lot about myself being alone, and doing what I'm doing.

You can't dwell in your past but move forward, look forward. That's it.

I think Juan stopped short - he got halfway to the destination and got off the train. He is certainly an excellent writer and a good person, but I'm not a nationalist.

When the enemy attacks you, this means that you are on the right road.

Competition can be the most nerve-racking experience. Some people just thrive on it.

Language always betrays us, tells the truth when we want to lie, and dissolves into formlessness when we would most like to be precise.

To be a Jew means always being with the oppressed and never the oppressors.

I think that sexuality is only attractive when it's natural and spontaneous.