Humour Quotes

For my last birthday, Dad bought me a pocket-sized Collins English Dictionary. It would only fit in a pocket that had been specially designed.

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

I'm thinking that I shouldn't have filed my nails last night.

The only way I can describe the extent of my anxiety is to say that I felt as if I were pregnant with a rock.

I don't know very much but what I do know I know better than anybody, and I don't want to argue about it…My mind is not a bed to be made and re-made.

People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.

Anything awful makes me laugh. I misbehaved once at a funeral.

Nonsense is an assertion of man's spiritual freedom in spite of all the oppressions of circumstance.

The captain was a good chess player, and the games were always interesting. Yossarian had stopped playing chess with him because the games were so interesting they were foolish.

I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

I could eat a knob at night.

He's never known anything like it! But then, he has never known anything to write home about, so this is nothing to write home about.

The writing is a joy, so seamless you nearly miss the sheer artistry of the style and the terrific, wry humour.

You can't take yourself too seriously.

Mixing humour and harsh reality is a very human behaviour, it's the way people stay sane in their daily lives.

The sympathy of most people consists of a mixture of good-humour, curiosity, and self-importance.

The worst in life, we are told, is compatible with the best in art. So too the worst in life is compatible with the best in humour.

That which has not a real excellency and value in it self, entertains no longer than the giddy Humour which recommended it to us holds.

Prudent people are very happy; 'tis an exceeding fine thing, that's certain, but I was born without it, and shall retain to my day of Death the Humour of saying what I think.

It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.

We've had a day of great drama and of humour too. The rumour mill is now taking over

All humour is critical, you know? You make stupid jokes. I mean, stupidity is an infirmity, isn't it?

For the purposes of life and conduct, and society, a little good sense is surely better than all this genius, and a little good humour than this extreme sensibility.

[W]ithout humour you cannot run a sweetie-shop, let alone a nation.

I'm very proud of being Jewish. It means I have a good work ethic, and you get Jewish humour and you're allowed to tell Jewish jokes.

My humour and my work ethic definitely come from my Scottish side, and I have to say the sense of humour doesn't really translate when I'm in America.

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

We had to do the same thing here. To top that sequel was quite a task. Mike had a couple of good conceptual humour and character ideas, which got me back into it.

He (The Agent) just takes ten per cent of your life.

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you.

Now I have the pawn and the compensation.

Through humour, we see in what seems rational, the irrational; in what seems important, the unimportant

Courtesy and good-humour are often found with little real worth.

I prefer the finesse of French humour. English humour is more scathing, more cruel, as illustrated by Monty Python and Little Britain.

The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight.

The genius of the Spanish people is exquisitely subtle, without being at all acute; hence there is so much humour and so little wit in their literature.

While it is entirely untrue that Canadians lack a sense of humour, the funniest ones tend to head south: Dan Aykroyd, Jim Carrey, Michael J. Fox.

Sometimes humour is all we have to say the things that can't be said.

As soon as I got funny, I killed any majestic intentions in my work.

The humour of Dostoievsky is the humour of a barloafer who ties a kettle to a dog's tail.

Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon, If you listen to popular rumour; From morning to night he's so joyous and bright, And he bubbles with wit and good humour!

The English take everything with an exquisite sense of humour. They are only offended if you tell them that they have no sense of humour.

At home I've got a very puerile, juvenile sense of humour.

I think that Americans find the Australian humour and the energy of Australians very refreshing - we are quite self-deprecating, we're light-hearted and can have a laugh.

I consider myself something of a raconteur. I have a rather audacious sense of humour.

I said in my earlier book, and find no reason for retracting my statement, that the famous Jewish sense of humour got lost in transit to Israel.

Humour is essentially a comforter, reconciling us to things as they are in contrast to things as they might be.

Indifference is the revenge the world takes on mediocrities.

Mirthfulness is in the mind and you cannot get it out. It is just as good in its place as conscience or veneration.

When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed