Humour Quotes

I always reminded myself that this wasn't exactly where I was meant to be, but pit stops are okay on the road of life, aren't they?

Every discussion with a girl is an argument, and when you think you are right suddenly you realize that your trapped.

You are where your brain is but not where a front-page headline is.

Any advice for how to be a successful author?""Yes. Don't be a woman. And be dead. And do both at the same time, if you can.

There are some laws that are coded into the very nature of the universe, and one is: There Is Never Enough Shelf Space.

For the moment we might very well can them DUNNOS (for Dark Unknown Nonreflective Nondetectable Objects Somewhere).

That was when I realised a sad but incontrovertible truth: I was a geek, and there was no getting around it. I could dress in Kate’s clothes, but it didn’t make me Kate.

What are you boys doing?” she asks, as if we’re still little kids messing around.“Arguin’, ” Carlos says matter-of-factly.

Ben walks in the room and asks, “What were you guys doing?” Nikki says “Nothing” at the same time I say, “Your sister and I were just makin’ out.

Sylvia grabs my sleeve. “He’s a looker.”“I know. The problem is, he knows it, too.

A text pops up on the screen. It’s from Luis. I can’t help but grin when I read his perfectly thought-out me

You look like a hot tamale.”“That’s not really a compliment.

What’s with all those tattoos? Makes you look like a hooligan.”“I suspect I am a hooligan.

cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin’ in your house, I’d kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.

I’m not going anywhere until you hear me out.”Oh, please no. Anything except having to listen to her lecture. I push the button that calls the

You were lookin’ at me like you wanted to kiss me.”I force a laugh. “Yeah, right, ” I say sarcastically.“Nobody’s watchin’ if you want to, you know, try it. Not to brag, but I’m somewhat of an expert.

Don’t try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you.”“I hate you, too.

Listen, I didn’t ask for a face and body girls find attractive. But thanks to the mixture of my parents’ DNA, I’ve got them, and I’m not ashamed to use ’em.

You’ve got a big ego, Fuentes.”“That’s not all I’ve got.

Can you put your hands on my crot

Boys don’t gossip.”“Pah! You don’t know us as well as you think.”This was a disturbing prospect.

I wanted to remind you that you do not allow me to deliver boats, as I have been known to crash them.

Who’s driving the boat?”Over the motor, I heard girls screaming at us the instant before we crashed.

I had shaved my beard for her-a huge disappointment, because I’d enjoyed my three weeks looking like a bank robber.

But first I had to get through the ironing. It took a lot of patience. I had none. It took forever, and then I had to press the whole shirt again to get out the creases I’d pressed into it.

The table was covered with food like roast chicken, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, roast turkey, roast liquorice and, the centrepiece, a roasted knight.

The devil was always in the detail. And here the detail was certainly devilish.

You're asking the cyborg fugitive and the wild animal to be the welcoming committee? That's adorable.

Author? Author? Did you write these legs?''Yes."'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself.

Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.

What the efficient market hypothesis doesn't account for is that people are not always rational. Just ask any divorce lawyer.

Just because I'm insane doesn't mean I have to act all crazy.

You're bloody insane, Karede, " Mat said. "Unfortunately, so am I.

Absurd laughter is a kind of protest against an absurd existence.

Captain Bradbury's right eyebrow had now become so closely entangled with his left that there seemed no hope of ever extricating it without the aid of powerful machinery.

The voice of a donkey braying in the neighbouring meadow seemed like the mocking laughter of demons.

It’s an old Camorri tradition for when a bunch of people are planning something stupid, ” said Locke. “Actually, we have a lot of traditions for that. You’ll find out

Men are pigs, darling. I really have every sympathy for women that they actually have to choose one of these arrogant, stupid morons to settle down with and marry.

Sir Bedevere: "Tell me, what do you do with witches?" Crowd: "Burn, burn them up!" Sir Bedevere: "And what do you burn apart from witches?" Villager: "More witches!

Here you are. Would you like some pickles?”“Pickles gives me the wind something awful.”“In that case—”“Oh, I wasn’t saying no, ” Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.

Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.

People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self.

I violently dislike you, ' she said, and then she was gone, slamming the door and leaving a sort of shocked silence behind.

It's not revealing, it's informative.

I had walked all over the fragile bloom of his heart like a Boadicea in Blahniks

Chic rarely bothers to leave the Rue De Faubourg Saint-Honore.

Humility is the best dress you can wear

There was a profound silence, abruptly broken by an enormously loud rumble from George's stomach. Plaster didn't actually fall from the ceiling, but it was close.

Whoever deemed the ocean an invigorating place needed to reconsider the reality of crashing waves, sunburn, and sand wedged up into places no one should have it.

Scotland is a soggy sort it place, where birds and animals walk around uncooked