Humour Quotes
What if, " replied Inspector Fry in the same maddeningly curteous tone, "we were all to construct daisy chains and drape them so as to shield the words from public view?
Don't worry, everyone is mentally ill, they just haven’t figured out a name for yours yet.
Sometimes he was weird, sometimes he was Captain Douchebag, but he was always my best friend.
Poverty, hatred, war, police-criminals, bureaucracy, insanity, all symptoms of The Human Virus.
At my lowest point, when things were at their most desperate and uncomfortable, I always found myself in the company of Australians, who were like a reminder that I'd touched bottom.
I suppose when you say you slept with him, it was more than just a nap?"Lillian shot her a withering glance. "Daisy, don’t be a pea wit.
I was shy, ” said six-foot-one of bashful male. He grunted as a sharp, feminine elbow thudded inconspicuously into his side.
Do you think ladies’ eyebrows can communicate as well?” she asked.“No, they don’t have sufficient thicketry, ” he said with authority.“Thicketry?”“Yes, that is the official term.
Lord Carradice managed to look wicked, smug, and saintly, all at the same time.
If you're going to buy a castle, make sure you get on the property extension ladder.
I had everything summed up in a nutshell unfortunately I lost the nut.
You can't judge a book by its cover, " he said. "No, " said Watts. "But you can tell how much it's gonna cost!
Best that all mischief be undertaken behind a squeaky door
When you reach the middle of your career ladder, turn it the other way around and slide down to the top
If you want to know what's going on, keep your mind in the fridge or it might go off.
Life is like a one rung ladder, some days you can be on the top and bottom of the world at the same time
Would you ask a man who bags groceries if he fears death not because it is death but because there are still some interesting groceries he would like to bag?
Ambition is the intellectual equivalent of body odour.
Always stay one step a head, unless you’re already there
When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, "You can do this. You've got what it takes." The other sounds like my mother-in-law.
On the way home, I saw a fist fight between an adverb and a pair of parentheses.I kept on walking.
Frankly speaking, I'm not afraid of death. I don't endeavour to avert its advent. But I don't want to be a witness of it.
I shall tell you about God once you've reached your imaginary heaven. Then, give me a call.
I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call "food".
All he'd done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up.Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life.
You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't.
How old did someone have to be before they could be put to use to make tea?
This faulty light fitting at the front door with the dangerously flickering bulb looks rather festive. Who says I don't do Christmas?
Christmas comes but once a year, starts in August ends in July
Throughout time, we, as cats, have been worshipped by lower beings such as humans. Nothing has changed.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of a warm house and a well-stocked fridge must be in want of a cat.
When Johnny Depp saw it, he was so excited he fluffed up to twice his normal size.
A heart? Peppone knows where one is to be met with. There is always someone in the black market in need of dying early.
The other girl, Iko, cupped her chin with both hands. "This is so much better than a net drama.
Tony smothered the life that me and Ma had built, a furry mould growing over a sweating slab of cheese.
My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.' 'I missed you too, Thurid.