Humour Quotes
Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.
Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.
…but I think comedy is more aggressive than that. It is a medium for revenge. We can deflate and punish the pomposity and the rejection which hurt us. Comedy is power.
…you either do or do not have a comedy mind, whatever that is, maybe a heightened sense of the ridiculous and the absurdity of life…We are all crazy and crazed.
I can't believe there's a part of you that grows when you need it. You're like a mutant.""I'm a vampire, " Baz says, "and can you hear yourself?
The decker these ***holes brought with them is top tier, but I'm going to stomp his jelly beans so hard his kids will be born crooked.
The men sit around getting fat and arguing with each other about something they call “philosophy” - most of which is pure nonsense.
It keeps him happy, Dahlaine, and happy people are nicer than gloomy ones. Haven't you noticed that before?
Neither any one in this world is born as our friend nor born as our enemy.Our behavior, attitude & approach makes them become either one.
Save time, worry about everything all at once!
I thought the trees down in Lady Zelana’s country were about as big as a tree could get, ” he said, “but the ones around here are so tall that they probably tickle the moon’s tummy when she goes by.
These days, you could stage a three-point orgy in the garden and nobody would bat an eye...
. . . Mrs. Arcanum considered foreign parts only marginally less unspeakable than private parts. . .
Dawson!” Ash yelled from below. “What are you doing? Stop! Do something, Adam!”Adam’s laugh followed. “Someone needed to put Andrew in his place. I always figured it would be Daemon. Who knew.
You're sure?' I asked. 'I mean, the Lord of the Sword is great. But you could also be, I don't know, the Slammer of the Hammer'.
Then he started his period.One week in bed.Two doctors in.Three painkillers four times a day.And later a letter to the powers-that-bedemanding full-paid menstrual leave twelve weeks per year.
Pardon me if, reading that, I want to laugh, because you want to relieve me of a fear I've never had. I've never thought that, as they say, you eat little children.
I do not encourage early morning chirpiness, even in those whom I know and love. It is generally a sign of a sloppy mind, and is not to be encouraged.
You can't conceive the perverse ingenuity he could put into hiding his affections.
You want them to give Batman counselling sessions?""It's genius. Just make Bruce Wayne get over his shit, then, presto, no more Batman. The baddies win by default.
Don't go getting offended my friend, I have much worse things to say to you.-Ad'Dam, Journey from Atremes
I wanted to make at least an effort to impress, so I found my best suit, a Primark special that looked like it had been ironed by a blind man
We ran both the courier service and a detective agency from the same office, and had phone apps for both. Basically, we're Uber for parcels and mysteries.
I like it subdued and tepid, with far to much milk
It’s a terrible person who listens to what we say rather than what we mean
Daddy loved his son. Daddy believed his son walked on water. Daddy, Mike had long ago decided, was an idiot.
I wondered: if I was so hell-bent on chaos, why would I adopt a military rank? Perhaps there was a part of me that needed rules, needed regulations and order.
Sadly, like many times in life, including winning the lottery, we don’t always get what we wish for.
I'm starting to think you like prisons, " "And that you have the worst taste in men.
I can always make up my mind better when there's a man around, because I know the thing to do is just the opposite to what he says.
Well, now you can see how sensible it is not to start your day by guessing what might happen... After all, how long would I have had to go on guessing before I guessed this?
I m not funny, really m not !!! I just tell people the truth, and then they start laughing and say haha you are funny...but seriously m not!!!
Our family car was the antithesis of designs and desirability. It was like driving Hitler's moustache.
Fifty grand for a paper bucket? Well it was all about context, you see.
With every step, I cursed the person who had ever invented the saying: “Speak of the devil”. Clearly, they had no sympathy for me!
Hecate smelt the odour of death as clearly as she might smell the wonderful, scented fragrance of blooming flowers in springtime or the delicious smell of dinner wafting down the hallway.