Humor Quotes
The truth about life is complicated, indefensible and embarrassing.
Life is like a one rung ladder, some days you can be on the top and bottom of the world at the same time
Life is like a DVR recording. The story goes on, but you cannot see it until you fast forward through the commercials
When your diary is full and your life is empty, get a date
An autobiography is inherently incomplete unless the last page is written on the eve of the author's demise.
Perhaps it is a good thing that we don't live long enough to realize how redundant things seem :)
What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding in an hour.
Francis Ford Coppola - A man climbs a mountain and they call him a hero. I climb mountains that aren't even there.
We laughed together. It’s so lovely laughing with a man. It feels positive. Relaxed…
Mr. Carter cleared his throat. “Soy sauce.” He deadpanned. “Really, Sera?
If I were you, I’d clear those cobwebs out because there isn’t a shop-vac out there strong enough to handle that job.
Always stay one step a head, unless you’re already there
True ambition is trying to paint yourself out of a corner
At last a lifetime ambition of mine to become a pimp was satisfied.
To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.
So I've come to the conclusion that it is thus my own fault when these people I have been talking about finally stop saying "Ah" and tell me it's a pity I always do such odd things.
Some days being a writer consists of telling yourself you aren't insane, your characters are.
Well-developed characters will ruin your writing plans every time. You may think you know where you're going with a story, but they have other ideas.
There are as many ways to discover your story as there are to trip over a dog in the kitchen--and some of them feel about as planned.
When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, "You can do this. You've got what it takes." The other sounds like my mother-in-law.
...writing Jeeves stories gives me a great deal of pleasure and keeps me out of the public houses.
Ignore people who say you can't do it, even if this person is yourself.
When you find yourself surrounded by sane people excited about your idea and lending support, you realize, perhaps, you are not as crazy as you think you are
Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can't see a damn thing before having coffee.
Let's play Russian roulette. If you win, I give you a Colombian necktie.
I'm not trying to put you down, but even if I did, you'd have nowhere to go.
I hope your only rocky road is chocolate.
He is a unicorn. I want to gently capture him and bring him back to my lab for research.
Sometimes I dig holes for people to fall in. Then I shout, “I've got you!
I find love is more of a bacterium than a virus unless you are comparing it to herpes.
To better understand our love, I revisited chemical kinetics.
She’d run over Dankyo in an instant to get to Theo. Be a darn big bump in the road, but she’d do it.
Baby girl, five minutes alone with me and you're gonna be begging me to taste your pie.
I like to think I'm not stupid often, tonight proves that when I am, I do it in a big way.
The whole damn century would've made more sense backwards. Where we ended is worse than where we began.
Irony of the day: arthritis medication with a cap that old people can't get off, because of their arthritis.
The book didn't want to be copied?I should introduce it to the house that doesn't want any occupants.
For I must tell you, gentle reader, that Geralt the Witcher was always a modest, prudent and composed man, with a soul as simple and uncomplicated as the shaft of a halberd.
imagine there's no heaven..." he said. "Apparently someone is taking that personally.
When people say there is no place like home, the first to agree are the homeless.