Humor Quotes

Suddenly, she employed those very English weapons: devious good manners and a rapid change of subject.

You say ‘cure.’ I hear ‘you’re not human enough.

There are fascinating possibilities in this situation. I'd get it down on paper if I were you.

... the novel, arguably the author's best, had a disquieting power, like a sleeping crocodile.

Marcus and Ellie exchanged a worried look and examined the bag again. Sure enough, the gold was gone.

I think you'll find that I'm qualified to deal with practically everything, if I choose. That last part, of course, is essential. --Devyn DuChien

Sometimes, to fix something, you need to completely ruin something else

You ought to give up detecting and try fantasy writing, Strike

All of which does not alter the fact that Pnin was on the wrong train.

I live in my mind, such that whatever destroys me shall be a creature of my own invention.

I’m not sure how people drink out of skulls, ” Jinx added. Calvin had too many holes in him to make a good cup.

Do not pollute my perfectly acceptable figurative speech with irrelevant facts!

Don't we all hope to die with a smile on our faces?

I'm not saying you're weak, but you brawl like a couple of girls having a pillow fight.

My momma always said, 'You and Elvis are pretty good, but y'all ain't no Chuck Berry.

INDECISION NOW!' isn’t a battle cry that’s going to rouse anybody’s blood. But I sometimes wonder if it isn’t the sanest one.

There is nothing worse than certainty. Doubt makes us weak. That is why it’s so important. I’ve wasted too much of my life trying to be powerful.

I saw a street car conductor today with one brown eye and one blue. Wouldn't he make a nice villain for a detective story?

Sticking a straw up your butt won't get rid of the constipation.

I mean, wha comfort does pretendin to be a Buddhist or wharrever give him? What's wrong with pretendin to be a Catholic like the rest of us?

My bottom is my deliquent daughter. I lavish praise upon her cheeks when she's well behaved and when she gets out of control, I pretend she isn't mine.

I can’t relate to your razzle-dazzle, your wish for voluptuous when my symphony is spanx.

The pillow whistled across the room and smacked him in the face. Nicolas smiled, satisfied. If he was going to die, this was the man he wanted to die beside.

I don't know whether to be proud or appalled that danger, blood and death inspire you so.

Pop music is like an auditory cup of coffee. It has no nutritional value but it gets you going.

A muffin what? Are you asking me to eat you or something?

The only good thing about people not taking me seriously is that I'm not serious myself!

I have the whole team just around the block! One call and they'll ride in here like cavalry! Riding on... robots! Giant robots! Well, not giant robots, like in Egan, but... but... big enough robots!

Embrace tomfoolery as if it were a rich relative on his deathbed.

Wealth and intelligence should not be categorized as relatives.

I made a noise of disgust, and I think I would have stormed out if I knew how to open the door.

As far as he was concerned, there were only two all-important laws on earth:1. Don’t murder people.2. Never swear in front of Lilly.

Aging gracefully - A concept that is rejected in 40s, but gracefully accepted in 50s...

Aging gracefully - A that is rejected in 40s, but gracefully accepted in 50s...

Kloo nodded at Lex in an indescribably maternal way, somehow cramming a lifetime of compassion, support, and tenderness all into one slight bounce of the head.

Writing something new is an effective way to get rid of writer's block. Or you can observe the people around you and fantasize like I do.

The pig was so earnest. So sincere. So very “there.” The pig brought gravity and mythic import to this well-worn fairy tale.

When people ask how old I am, I just tell them twenty-one, and if they assume I mean years instead of decades or centuries, then that can't be my fault, can it?

At the dockside I was pleasantly surprised to find the North wasn't all hairy men in animal skins. There was also hairy women in animal skins.

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.

She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

Writing isn't a choice. It's a calling. So answer the damn phone already!

There is never a bad joke, it's adressing to a wrong audience that makes it look bad!

I guess 'joint' would imply two people had ownership, which, thanks Life, is simply no longer the case.

I can't seem to recall if I've ever had amnesia before.

My partner and I were going to renew our vowels, but the consonants revolted.

Is it a lucky break if you get run over by an ambulance?

I shall tell you about God once you've reached your imaginary heaven. Then, give me a call.

In other words, he was the tree in the forest that silently fell--when no one was around to be crushed.