Humor Quotes

I get this buzz every time I'm quoted online. The ego high... yes... but also a Google Alert.

Never give up hope! If you do, you be dead already.

I'm considering writing a self-help book and giving people 20 cents to read it. This way, I can be sure they all get new paradigms.

[An example of misattribution:]If you don’t know the source of a quote, you can always make it sound better by attributing it to me.— Mark Twain

Why would you come to Italy to see Spanish steps? That's like going to China for Mexican food, isn't it?

I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe... but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?

Always think in circles to get your ideas around

Never trust a fiction author. They spend countless hours making you believe in a world they created. They are among the best, most dedicated liars in the world.

Pause while reading a book only in case of two things:1. To kiss2. To sip coffeeToo bad both are a luxury.

I'll take risk on what I do on my life . Just mind your own business .

Avoid the stage of old age sit in the audience, it's all the rage

I guess it’s worth a shot.” More than likely a wasted bullet, but I’ll fire anyway.

That's what I meant, ' said Pippin. 'We hobbits ought to stick together, and we will. I shall go, unless they chain me up. There must be someone with intelligence in the party.

If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead

I know what ails you.

That's No'-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock, mistress, ' said Not-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock. 'Ye were one jock short, ' he added helpfully.

Be careful what you tell me. You could end up in my next novel.

Courage is not beating up the bully or letting the bully beat you up, it is standing strong before the bully and seeing him for what he truly is: a child of God in need of an attitude adjustment.

Courage?" I gave a very soft laugh. "I find courage is just another of life's illusions. In the end, we all do what we must.

Oh sure, everyone else charges monsters and it's brave, I do it once and I'm a madman.

Courage is most powerful thing inside us, It won't let us run away from any problem.

Penny was a very pretty, witty and brave girl, as bold as a Marine platoon storming Iwo Jima.

Courage is just dreams with shoes on.

This is what life is about: seeing new places, meeting new people, grabbing life by the balls and squeezing until it coughs up a story worth telling.

You've got drama too?' 'Doesn't everyone?' 'A side effect of breathing, I guess.

Everyone thinks to the extent of their depravity.” #HenriettaLedyanova, #FatefulItalianPassion

The words ‘I love you’ are worthless when you don’t know who the 'I' is in that statement.

Hope can be foolish or misguided, but there was no such thing as false hope. Hope was always true even when there was no evidence to support its claim.” - Liam

Love is not for thrill-seekers, dreamers, or children with short attention spans. And you, son, fit into all three of those categories.

Your present interests are not a solid basis of a career decisions. So, stop following your passion and Do What Is Valuable.!

I write to express and I shop to destress

Help people.Be interested.Make a difference.Live passionately.Go comando.

In the future he would remember to be kinder to her clothing... provided that she didn't look so damn good in them.

In the future he would remember to be kinder to her clothing... provided she didn't look so damn good in them.

Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

Is this the reality you wanted?

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.-Jack Nicholson

You can take a dog outside, but you can't make it pee

If you doubt your sanity, is that proof?

He comes.And he comesloadedwith noise pollution.If I ever prayed for anything, it was for a manto shut up.

If you can kill it, or it can kill you, it's real.

When reality and your dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.

The moment was surreal. A sometimes-autistic young man with two identities lecturing a room full of zombies on feelings and realities.

Nice to be born in this universe. Thanks dad and mom.

It was all fine until the girls started drinking. (Everything is always fine up until that point.)

We were not actually famous, I have to add. People were just drunk.

There is no pathos more bitter than that of parting from someone we have never met.

People who want to climb mountains just like taking metaphors for real. So when I say I could murder for a mangosteen, I hope you don’t think I’m going to go out and do that.

A Writer is Actor, Creator, Director & Producer Of HIS Life. Ask ME anything.

Positiveness is not a god gift. Things are negative when you realize that frog inside you is not able to jump high.