Humor Quotes
A wise man once said NOTHING... He just let her vent, nodded his head and live happily ever after!
... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything.
The minute you stop caring about your business, is the same minute your business stops caring about you.
Our dream is parallel to the realitySlumber's one platform for perpendicularityBut it always went contrary to the plan takenWaking us from sleep to sleep back again
It’s a sad state of affairs when I’m the one bringing sanity to the equation
I wish I could say I’m low maintenance, but I like some of the finer things in life…like a toothbrush.
I’m not familiar with this word you were repeating before…‘cojones’, was it?”I blushed as Dominick patted me on the back. “Way to introduce him to the vernacular, Palta.
My need to parent is so much bigger, sometimes, than my children’s need for parenting.
I should never do anything pre-coffee. 'It was only a teeny fire, ' I told my uncle over the phone.
Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.
The worst thing about the dead rising? (Other than, you know, all the zombies?) The smell. Nothing kills the mood like the odor of three day old road kill and poo... -Katherine Anita Cho(KyCH)
Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.
Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.
If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.
Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.
Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.
What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.
Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.
Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.
Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month "leave" I wonder if he will be "Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!
There are times when looking on the bright side takes a lot ot work. I'm taking a break from it tonight. I'll be back at it tomorrow.
I don't think the heavy stuff is gonna come down for quite a while!” ― Bill Murray character in Cadyshack
You are fifty different kinds of twisted.""Only fifty? Val, you wound me.
He was a strange mix of Heinrich Himmler and Barney the Dinosaur.
He knew in that moment that falling in love with her would destroy him, and so he decided at once that he would do his damnedest to despise her.
I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.
Knowledge is a rope, and you're weaving a noose out of it. Leave some slack for the enemy.
One day, and it may be long off, but one day there will be bacon again. It might be mouse bacon, but that will do for me.
