Funny Quotes

Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans.

All sliced up and sealed tight in baggies. Guess love makes you do funny things.

Seeing you lights up my day, to hear your voice makes me smile all cheesy, to see you smile makes my heart all warm and fuzzy, when you say I love you makes my body weak.

People don't expect me to be as funny as I am.

Music is funny. I shouldn't even ever talk about music, because you can have all the ideas in your head, and it never goes exactly the way that you think it's gonna go.

The work of Jana Harris is unique in American writing. She has always had a voice of true grit—sometimes harsh, sometimes funny, always close to the bone, tart, and indomitable.

I feel like any time John Oliver is added to something, the comedy is instantly there. He's so funny.

I love Jason Bateman. He's so funny.

I remember one guy saying, "You're the only human out of all of them," and feeling a little concerned that somehow that meant I wasn't as funny.

General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

I'm usually sort of ambiguous in terms of whether I'm playing a good person or a bad person. I can walk that line of funny but also dark, and I'm happy doing that.

Women tend to be problem solvers. We work together.

If boys say something that's not funny, you don't have to laugh.

When you host a show you have to hopefully be funny at the top and set the tone for a really fun evening.

We act empty and innocent but we are fueled by distortions of lives led in discontent trading misfortunes cause faith is one thing that is hard to deliver it feels funny being free.

It's funny to see the finished product of a movie, stuff that's so beautiful, and to remember the particulars.

I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.

I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh.

A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.

The moment someone says, 'Hey, everyone, listen to the words in this song,' your party is over.

I don't think that there's necessarily a side to drama that has to be completely bleak. You have to have a flicker of humor 'cause everyone has a flicker of humor, something they find funny in life.

It’s funny, there are so many women who are former executives and have taken all that stress and anxiety and transferred it onto their kids.

I graduated in 1989, and I'd focused almost entirely on the Soviet Union and communism ... so when the Berlin wall fell, I was, well, I was screwed.

We scored a season-high, yeah - albeit against a team that is somewhat tanking.

I've always found the most tragic things funny. I was always the guy laughing at the funeral.

If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them

The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn’t funny.

As young as I look, I think it will still be funny if I played a person who's kind of tortured and hates his life. Kind of like a Larry David-type thing.

I remember my dad turning to me - my dad loves to turn to me and explain why things are funny. He used to do that with Seinfeld all the time. He did it with Colombo, too, set the scene.

I too turned to Webster's Dictionary and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops.

Aping what you've already done is just so dangerous and unrewarding.

It's funny when people don't know you and they meet you for the first time and think you're so great. When fans know you for more than three or four times the magic is gone.

That just sounds so funny, A-list. Really, I'm a mom, and that's how I'm going to be all my life.

What's going to be funny is when they think Mom and Dad are a little bit cool, because right now, we're not cool Mom and Dad.

It was funny to hear her voice aloud. Her thoughts and perceptions usually existed so deep inside her, they rarely made it to the surface without a deliberate effort.

Particularly beautiful people were like particularly funny-looking people, though. Once you know them you mostly forgot about it.

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind who divide the world into two kinds of people and those who don't.

Time has a funny way of collapsing when you go back to a place you once loved. You find yourself thinking, I was kissed in that building, I climbed up that tree.

In Hollywood I got work but not the right work until Pushing Daisies. Every girl in LA wanted the part of Chuck. I was terrified - I didn't know if I could be funny.

I was attracted to people who were funny because I wanted to be in that world.

It's funny where we look for salvation, and where we actually find it.

I write in my own journal when something extraordinary or funny happens. And there's some nice imagery in there. I don't think of what to do with it.

No one ever thought Clint Eastwood was funny, but he was.

It's funny how things work out sometimes.

God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.

Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as 'Call Me God') to KCMG ('Kindly Call Me God') to .. the GCMG ('God Calls Me God').

It's funny - my wife is more jealous of my books than of other women because I'm always working and thinking about my books.

Of course 'we humans' have a funny relationship with the beings with whom we share our planet. We eat them, we care for them, we admire them, we use them.

Twitter's a lot of work! That's the first thing I would say. There's so much pressure to be funny.