Funny Quotes
Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless
I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I'm very happy.
I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
she committed suicide by putting her extremities down the garbage disposal-first one arm and then, kind of miraculously if you think about it, the other arm.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist's career.
This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.
People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey.
Kyo Sohma: angrily pointing at Yuki Just like I'll beat you one of these days Yuki: looking bored Wait wait I think I've heard this one before
David tells me that fairies never say 'We feel happy': what they say is, 'We feel dancey'.
And the last thought he had that morning as he closed his eyes was: I hope the tornado hit the moose.
You cannot control faeries. Can. Not. They aren't logical or rational. They don't obey the same laws (physical, social, emotional, traffic - you name it) that we do.
You could carve out the inside of a brick and hide your money in it for safe keeping. It’s certainly safer than keeping it in the bank!
I claim neither liberalism nor conservatism - one tends to be airheaded while the other tends to be brickheaded.
Look at your eyes. You've got bigger bags than Louis Vuitton.
Mathematics education is much more complicated than you expected, even though you expected it to be more complicated than you expected.
What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning!
I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it.
Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor, but I always knew who was funny, who to hang out with.
I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.
The space and light up there in Norfolk is wonderfully peaceful. I find myself doing funny things like gardening, and cooking, which I rarely do in London.
I love the sad songs with their maudlin, self-deprecating, almost funny lyrics. As an Englishman, they make a lot of sense.
I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad.
One time when somebody showed up in a wedding dress, but I never knew if it was a joke, or she was serious. She asked me to marry her. She was serious. It was pretty funny.
It's a funny thing about me. I don't have any interest in food most of the time now, although when I was a kid I was always hungry
The funny thing about these uniforms is that you hang them in the closet and they get smaller and smaller.
I think back to some of the things Harry said and some of the things I said trying to be funny. If I said them now, it would be on the front page of every newspaper in the country.
But the funny thing is, I broke my finger not on set doing kung fu. I broke my finger when I fell down the stairs prior to going on set.
The funny thing about me is I move from genre to genre, but I essentially shoot all the movies the same way.
Kids cannot follow stories. They don't know what the hell is going on in a cartoon. They like to see funny visual things happening.
I think a lot comes from having the experience of doing stand-up comedy. It allows you to figure out the psychology of an audience; what things are funny and not.
I love sitting down and having actual conversations. But I don't do that sound-bite, be-candidly-funny thing.
Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.
The funny thing about the boy who gave away his loaves and fish is that he, too, ended the day with a full stomach.
It's a funny thing no matter who you are when you purchase a flower or a plant, the first thing you ask is how do I keep this plant and keep it growing beautiful. People need the same concern.
The funny thing about making this record and being away from the girls and on my own in LA is that it allowed me to reflect on how much we've accomplished.
