Comedy Quotes
You need anything we're only an hour away, give or take, honey. You call. We'll help you hide the body.
Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy?
I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with ... G.""Sausages.
Did I hurt you in the parking lot?""No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car."Great.
No, officer, I have no idea why I'm wearing this possum costume. I called you what? OH. My bad."-Nastasya
He glanced up once, eyes bored. “Please stop talking. I’m trying to eat.
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off"- Cruz
Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.
I strike fear into you because I am a man?""It isn't funny.""I do not laugh. It is a sad thing, yes, that your husband is a man. A very terrible thing.
Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year.
Okay, well I think the programme is like being screamed at for an hour by a drunk with a strobe-light, but like I said--
I beg your pardon I am drunk without a drink. English wine & words are vulnerable to every man.
The following ten throws went a variety of places. I never hit the target, but I was getting closer. Isabella was laughing so hard she wrote "Please stop can't breathe" in the dirt with her finger.
Back from where? you're not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody's wife
He's getting away you idiots! Shoot him. I'm wearing Spider-Man underpants!
Paddy Eagan, stay away from falling signs for a bit and you'll be as right as rain come the weekend.
...which, of course, is how I developed my love for both Kabuki theater and marshmallow Peeps.
I can never be perfectly certain whether Helen was got with child by Leonard Bast or by his fatal forgotten umbrella. All things considered, I think it must have been the umbrella.
I had to say it gave me a warm feeling to picture Meredith Winslow spending twenty years or so in an ill fitting orange jumpsuit, cozying up to a great big girl named Beulah
We sat on the floor for dinner. Ananya's father passed me a banana leaf. I wondered if i had to eat it or wipe my hands with it.
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!' he screamed.'So that's Sara, ' I said.'Yes.''She seems nice.
There, at her console, he dialed 594: pleased acknowledgement of husband's superior wisdom in all matters
There is no real bravery in getting paid to save someone's life. However, there is a large amount of bravery in a nurse break dancing at the hospital's Christmas party.
We men had a meeting a long time ago, and we all decided, 'It's trousers'. And that's what we've worn ever since.
How are we going to get out of here?""Oh, escape is easy once you have the right
Thank you for helping my sister, ” he says.I lean forward, mimicking his position. “I’m happy to.”Calliope leans out her window. “STOP FLIRTING AND GET BACK TO WORK.
What happened?" he asked brusquely, interrupting me. "What do you mean, what happened?""I sensed your fear, heard you call out my
It’s funny how much easier it is to see others’ shortcomings and give advice when you’re not personally involved, for it’s almost impossible to see the light when you’re swimming in shit.
Really, it's amazing. You are his other half, Alexandria, You are fated to be with him. You belong to
Now I know this is going to seem counter to every instinct that you have, but I'm going to ask you to sit still, or I'll put you in the trunk.
WHY did she do this? She was a terrible drunk texter. All the things she wanted to say to people during the day came out at night, like a vampire.
Maggie wasn't without her concerns, though. "What if he's crazy?""Yeah, that's a definite possibility, " he agreed."What if he's not your type?""Then we'll only hook up in dark places.
Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was.Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.
I never said nothing...""I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!
You think that killing people will make them like you more, but it doesn't, it just makes them dead.
To be unpopular, you must look the part. Remember four words: plastic flowered swim cap.
She got icing all over her face. I think that's why I like her. For the good stuff, she's willing to get icing all over her face. Who wouldn't want a girl like that?