Terry Pratchett Quotes

You can't remember the plot of the Dr Who movie because it didn't have one, just a lot of plot holes strung together. It did have a lot of flashing lights, though.

My own books drive themselves. I know roughly where a book is going to end, but essentially the story develops under my fingers. It's just a matter of joining the dots.

I do not in fact use many puns. Certainly there are far fewer than people believe. But I suspect the ones I do occasionally use tend to hang around in people's memories for a while.

The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) Books must be returned by no later than the date shown; and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality.

What is normal? Normal was yesterday. If you lose a leg, one day you're hopping around on one leg, so you know the difference.

It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military maneuvers, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top of.

That's the Ankh-Morpork instinct, Vimes thought. Run away, and then stop and see if anything interesting is going to happen to other people.

Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when nothing can possible go wrong and every avenue has been covered, then is the time to buy a house on the next continent.

Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree.

"There's a door," he whispered. "Where does it go?" "It stays where it is, I think," said Rincewind.

It doesn't matter if dragons are flying overhead or whatever - a lot of Victoriana is still cut in the frame of fantasy.

I know three people who have got better after a brain tumour. I haven't heard of anyone who's got better from Alzheimer's.

Either all days are holy or none are.

What're quantum mechanics?" "I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose.

Well, it would have to be “The Man Who Was Thursday.” It’s a damn good read that I believe should be read by everyone in politics.

Oh, there's plenty of reasons. I just don't know which one.

Omens are everywhere in this world you just have to find the one that fits.

I could be wrong. Not being certain is what being a philosopher is all about.

All property is theft, except mine.

Theres no stink more sorrorful than the stink of wet, burnt paper. It means: the end.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm a writer who's writing books, and therefore, I don't want to die. You'd miss the end of the book, wouldn't you? You can't die with an unfinished book.

Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o'course.

Winners never talk about glorious victories. Thats because they're the ones who see what the battle field looks like afterwards. Its only the losers who have glorious victories.

I can see we're going to get along like a house on fire," said Miss Tick. "There may be no survivors.

What is magic? There is the wizard's explanation... wizards talk about candles, circles, planets, stars, bananas, chants, runes and the importance of having at least four good meals every day.

A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal-sized billiard balls.

Mr. Tulip lived his life on that thin line most people occupy just before they haul off and hit someone repeatedly with a wrench.

Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

...'I thought the rule was that all monks were shaved.' 'Oh, Soto says he is bald under the hair,'said Lu Tze. 'He says the hair is a separate creature that just happens to live on him.

And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.

In the world I live in, 'not worse' is nearly as good as 'better'.

I don’t see why it matters what is written. Not when it’s about people. It can always be crossed out.

The best research you can do is to talk to people.

And it came to pass that in time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One: "Psst!

We're philosophers. We think, therefore we am.

Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT." Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.

Ridcully was to management what King Herod was to the Bethlehem Playgroup Association.

Sometimes words need music too. Sometimes the descriptions are not enough. Books should be written with soundtracks, like films.

Young adults that actually read are reading bodice rippers and best-sellers and me. And Horror.

The words are easy - most of them have already been invented.

I don't think I've ever been critical of the money Douglas Adams makes, especially since, as has been tactfully pointed out, I myself have had to change banks having filled the first one up.

They can ta'k our lives but they can never ta'k our freedom!' Now there's a battle cry not designed by a clear thinker

Lots of ingenuity gets you through times with no money better than money gets you through times of no ingenuity.

An ancient proverb summed it up when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life.

People whose concept of ancient history is the first series of Star Trek may be treated with patience, because it's usually not their fault they were reduced to getting their education from school.

Asking someone to repeat a phrase you'd not only heard very clearly but were also exceedingly angry about was around Defcon II in the lexicon of squabble.

Someone out there was about to find that their worst nightmare was a maddened Librarian. With a badge.

One of the important things about being a small-town reporter is knowing what not to put in the paper.

Priests were metal-reinforced overshoes. They saved your soles. This is an Assassin joke.

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane.