Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

When we were together before, the world was small to us, but as you grew bigger to life and the world became desirous to living, we became smaller to each other.

A work of art is an exaggeration.

Wake up, Carolee, the plane is waiting for us, we have to get to the game.

The Buddha compared anger with picking up hot coals with one's bare hands and trying to throw them at the person with whom one is angry. Who gets burned first? The one who is angry of course.

Congress first took action against steroids by passing The Anabolic Steroids Control Act of 1990.

Writing is the greatest thing that can happen to a human being. It's the best.

Jim Crow was king... and I heard a game in which Jackie Robinson was playing, and I felt pride in being alive

You know how the press is: If I mention one mistake, that's the only thing that bothers me unless I mention all the other ones.

It's Christmas time and my rhyme's steady bumpin. Everybody happy, hair still nappy, Gonna steal a gift for my old grandpappy.

Whoever has not learned to let Nature have her way is not fit for a gardener, or, for that matter, for a contented soul. A garden makes all our senses swim with pleasure.