Red Buttons Quotes
Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank? Never got a dinner!
The Mayor of Hong Kong, who said Can't work today. Have American flu. Never got a dinner!
Julius Caesar's wife, who said to Julius, We are not naming our son Sid! Never got a dinner!
J. Paul Getty, who still hasn't been buried - they keep finding oil! Never got a dinner!
Dean Martin's great-great-uncle, Ebenezer Martin, who said to Eli Whitney, I see the cotton, but where's the gin? Never got a dinner!
Where else but in America can a poor black man like Michael Jackson grow up to be a rich white woman?
Orson Welles, who said to Anita Bryant, Stop picketing me. What I said was I was a thespian. Never got a dinner!
Pliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille. Never got a dinner!
Vincent Van Gogh, who said to the hat salesman, I like it, but it keeps sliding over my ear. Never got a dinner!
Dracula, who said while they drove a wooden stake into his heart, Boy, I sure hope this is heartburn. Never got a dinner!
Pope John Paul II's press secretary, who said, See, if only the Pope were Italian, he woulda shot back! Never got a dinner!
Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!
Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show? Never got a dinner!
Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.
Sleeping Beauty, who said to Prince Charming, Are you sure all we did was kiss? Never got a dinner!
Long John Silver's wife, Short, who said to John, If the shoe fits... Never got a dinner!
Moshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., That's funny, to me you only look half Jewish. Never got a dinner!
The Puerto Rican doctor, who wrote all his prescriptions with spray paint. Never got a dinner!
Dean Martin's pancreas, who overheard his liver singing I got a right to sing the blues. Never got a dinner!
Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner!
Sydney Poitier, who said to Lester Maddox, Guess who's not coming to dinner? Never got a dinner!
Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant! Never got a dinner!
Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a dinner!
Dr. Spock, who said, Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Never got a dinner!
Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner!
Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, Stop shaking! Never got a dinner!
