Mark Twain Quotes

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

History never repeats itself; at best it sometimes rhymes.

I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute.

Enthusiasm is caught, not taught.

There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.

Experience comes from bad judgment.

I simply can't resist a cat, particularly a purring one.

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it.

Some of the worst things in my life never even happened.

Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size.

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule.

You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.

If ignorance is bliss, why isn't the world happier?

Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.

If you should rear a duck in the heart of the Sahara, no doubt it would swim if you brought it to the Nile.

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd law; I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

The solution to our water problems is more rain.

Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

Warm summer sun, shine kindly here.

Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.

It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.

Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency.