Mark Twain Quotes

To forget pain is to be painless; to forget care is to be rid of it; to go abroad is to accomplish both.

The man who isn't a pessimist is a damned fool.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house.

Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking.

The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.

Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

I played Chess with him and would have beaten him sometimes only he always took back his last move, and ran the game out differently

All religions issue bibles again Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

You are a coward when you even seem to have backed down from a thing you openly set out to do

I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.

We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them.

I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land.

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

A Patriot is someone who stands for his country always, and for his government when it is deserved.

You can't reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.

Patriotism is usually the refuge of the scoundrel. He is the man who talks the loudest.

I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing.

Write without pay until somebody offers to pay.

I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.

A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that the savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter.

Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done.

Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds.

Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.

A sin takes on a new and real terror when there seems a chance that it is going to be found out.

My memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.

All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble.

You see, he knew his own laws just as other people so often know the laws: by words, not by effects. They take a meaning, and get to be very vivid, when you come to apply them to yourself.

It's an epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.

Persons who think there is no such thing as luck good or bad are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it.

The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.

Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.

Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity. That is where the true evil lies.

Teaching is like trying to hold 35 corks underwater at once.

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society.

Broad, wholesome, charitable views .. can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the earth.

People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.