YOU are using a frisbee as a plate." "Uh, what? I'm not using a--oh hang on, this is a frisbee. Weird." Victor glared at me. "Dude, calm down, I'll wash it afterward. It's probably dishwasher safe.

In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax.

Because you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them. And because there is joy in embracing - rather than running from - the utter absurdity of life.

[On acupuncture:] The needles are small and won't hurt at all. In fact, they'll feel good. Ha, ha! Just kidding. They feel like needles. Because they are.

Every time I get scared or feel like I'm not going to be good enough at something, I say that mantra to myself. "Pretend you're good at it."

When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them.

So many of us feel like we're misfits until we finally find our tribe - the other people who are are strange in the same way - and suddenly everything clicks.

It’s amazing how much you’re missing in a depressive state until you start to come out on the other side. It’s like breathing again after being underwater for far too long.

But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it’s the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with.

If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both.

High School Is Life’s Way of Giving You a Record Low to Judge the Rest of Your Life By)

People in charge of intelligence are political as well.

It's a whole team of people working 24 hours around the clock to make me look like this.

I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.

Our minds are finite and far from noble. Knowing their limits can help us to become better reasoners.

Ideology knows the answer before the question has been asked. Principles are something different: a set of values that have to be adapted to circumstances but not compromised away.

Words are like eyeglasses they blur everything that they do not make clear.

If you're going to define a shortcut, then make it the base [sic] darn shortcut you can.

My serve was there, everything was just clicking. Those are the days you dream about, especially in a final.

Prudence and love cannot be mixed; you can end love, but never moderate it.

My spirituality is parochial, terrestrial. I do qualify as a W.I.T.C.H. , but my irrecular practice and impromptu rituals don't aim at producing any dramatic results except, perhaps, in me.