Fran Lebowitz Quotes

When someone asks, 'Why do you think he's not calling me?' there's always one answer - 'He's not interested.' There's not ever any other answer.

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use.

The first people who died of AIDS were artists. They were the most interesting people.

Everything in Japan is hidden. Real life has an unlisted phone number.

those who use the word 'lifestyle' are rarely in possession of either.

Civilised adults do not take apple juice with dinner.

White grapes are very attractive but when it comes to dessert people generally like cake with icing.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one.

I love being in love. I don't think anything compares with it, though I consider it very disruptive.

Frenchman: Germans with good food.

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

People always say "pop culture." As if we have some high culture to distinguish it from.

If people don't hold grudges, it means they just don't care what people do.

Even when America is not working that well, it still works better than other places.

Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.

The 3 questions of greatest concern are:, 1) Is it attractive?, 2) Is it amusing?, 3) Does it know its place?

There are too many books. The books are terrible. And this is because you have been taught to have self-esteem.

If I lived in another country, like a country that was, say, an enemy of the United States, I would be more amused than I am.

I'm a horrible girlfriend. I always was. I'm great at the beginning, because I can be very romantic.

I'd like to decide who comes here. I'd like to be the admissions director of New York.

[On not reading newspapers:] If something important happens, your mother calls you.

If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something.

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

If food did not exist it would be well-nigh impossible to get certain types off the phone, as one would be unable to say, 'Look, I've got to run but let's have dinner sometime soon.'

Favorite animal: steak.

I just can't smile at people for money.

Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.

Screenwriting is not an artform, it is a punishment from God.

Contrary to what many of you may imagine, a career in letters is not without its drawbacks - chief among them the unpleasant fact that one is frequently called upon to sit down and write.

I have friends, some of whom are spectacularly good writers, who really want someone to edit them. I don't register that impulse. It's like the impulse for wanting a dog.

I just write when fear overtakes me.

I always liked people who are older. Of course, every year it gets harder to find them.

This idea that people have to love and understand each other is absurd. It's not human nature.

If you don't have children and you don't have a job, you have time for friendship ... People who have jobs are not the best friends to have. It's better to be friends with people who are unemployed.

I don't believe in anything you have to believe in.

It's much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It's harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.

I am alternately very gregarious - very sociable - and then very solitary.

Technological innovation has done great damage ... to eating habits. Food is now available in such unpleasant forms that one frequently finds smoking between courses to be an aid to digestion.

The Italians are the most civilized people. And they're very warm. Basically, they're Jews with great architecture.

It's very disheartening to encounter a fearful twenty-one year old. They haven't earned the right to be that afraid. It's not like we're living in war-torn Bosnia or something.

remember this: no matter how politely or distinctly you ask a Parisian a question he will persist in answering you in French.

Raisins are a thing that lasts, they come in small boxes, and you always feel like eating raisins, even at six in the morning. A raisin is always an appropriate snack.

there are two kinds of music - good music and bad music. Good music is music that I want to hear. Bad music is music that I don't want to hear.

By the time everyone catches up with you, you're bored.

Things that people will say to me, mostly, is that you shouldn't have all these books. It's too expensive.

Life was certainly more entertaining when people were indulging their vices as opposed to going to meetings to indulge in a new vice: discussing their innermost thoughts in public.

There are certain relationships I think I'm great at: I'm the world's greatest daughter. I'm a great relative. I believe I'm a great friend.

I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.

I don't like to read nonfiction. To me, fact is something I can look up.