Douglas Adams Quotes

The most misleading assumptions are the ones you don't even know you're making.

I am rarely happier than when spending entire day programming my computer to perform automatically a task that it would otherwise take me a good ten seconds to do by hand.

The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.

The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is...42!

Lovers of print are simply confusing the plate for the food.

Why should I want to make anything up? Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it.

Words used carelessly, as if they did not matter in any serious way, often allowed otherwise well-guarded truths to seep through.

There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind.

Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both time and space a good deal. At least being lost in space kept you busy.

Anything that thinks logically can be fooled by something else that thinks at least as logically as it does.

The bowler approached the wicket at a lope, a trot, and then a run. He suddenly exploded in a flurry of arms and legs, out of which flew a ball.

The great thing about being the only species that makes a distinction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along.

Here, for whatever reason, is the world. And here it stays. With me on it.

He shifted his weight from foot to foot, but it was equally uncomfortable on each.

My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first

That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.

Many men of course became extremely rich, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of because no one was really poor, at least no one worth speaking of.

Very deep. You should send that in to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you.

Pardon me for breathing, which I never do any way so I don’t know why I bother to say it, oh God, I’m so depressed.

Who is this god person anyway?

Believe me, it is a great deal better to find cast-iron proof that you're innocent than to languish in a cell hoping that the police---who already think you're guilty---will find it for you.

Moving from radio to television, you can take most of the words with you.

Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow pizza.

This man is the bee's knees, Arthur, he is the wasp's nipples. He is, I would go so far as to say, the entire set of erogenous zones of every major flying insect of the Western world.

Even the evil-looking bird perched on a rod in the bar had stopped screeching out the names and addresses of local contract killers, which was a service it provided for free.

We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway.

The storm had now definitely abated, and what thunder there was now grumbled over more distant hills, like a man saying 'And another thing...' twenty minutes after admitting he'd lost the argument.

Some say that the universe is made so that when we are about to understand it it changes into something even more incomprehensible. And then there are those who say that this has already happened.

The only thing nicer than a phone that didn't ring all the time (or indeed at all) was six phones that didn't ring all the time (or indeed at all).

How can I tell," said the man, "that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?

Time affords us the ability to blame past errors on others while whole heartedly pronouncing our futures successes.

Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

Assumptions are what we don't know we are making

What I need... is a strong drink and a peer group.

WOKING (vb.) To enter the kitchen with the precise determination to perform something only to forget what it is just before you do it.

I don't go to mythical places with strange men.

I only know as much about myself as my mind can work out under its current conditions. And its current conditions are not good.

You can't possibly be a scientist if you mind people thinking that you're a fool.

So what do we do if we get bitten by something deadly?' I asked. He looked at me as if I were stupid. 'You die, of course. That's what deadly means.

Reality is hopelessly inaccurate.

The light works," he said, indicating the window, "the gravity works," he said, dropping a pencil on the floor. "Anything else we have to take our chances with.

If they don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.

Having not said anything the first time, it was somehow even more difficult to broach the subject the second time around.

and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks.

'Totally mad,' he said, 'utter nonsense. But we'll do it because it's brilliant nonsense.'

Would you like me to go and stick my head in a bucket of water?

How do you feel?" he asked him. "Like a military academy," said Arthur. "Bits of me keep on passing out.