Well I was much too practical to presume to have a career in comedy.

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun.

I love portraying the totally indifferent person.

I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail.

It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

I still feel thirty, except when I try to run.

Nature is as uniform as variant.

Whatever this fearlessness, this strength, this difference was, she was starting to like it.

Advice to son: Never confuse "I love you" with "I want to marry you."

In ceremonies of the horsemen, even the pawn must hold a grudge.

Waiting for a long-term solution to immigration reform will not make Americans safer.

We do not know how much of the environmental change is due to human activities and how much [is due] to long-term natural processes over which we have no control.

When I go out with the ladies, I don't force them to pronounce my name. I tell them I like to go by the nickname of Kitten.

I comfortably and easily release the old and and welcome the new in my life. I am safe.

Self-loathing doesn't keep me from being happy. But that doesn't mean I don't struggle.

A frog would leap from a throne of gold into a puddle.