You do a clean show and it's over and the audience have enjoyed themselves and you've enjoyed yourself, and you haven't had to resort to shock.

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun.

I love portraying the totally indifferent person.

I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail.

It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

I still feel thirty, except when I try to run.

For every physical realm, there is a spiritual realm

The door of illumination is open to those for whom other doors are closed.

The measure of happiness is merely the difference between expectations and outcomes. It is not concerned with what one possesses – it is concerned with how content one is with what one possesses.

I don't swim! That's like athletic.

I'm a better husband and father than I was a killer.

Experts don't know exactly where the boundaries of their expertise are.

Favoriting tweets has become a form of acknowledging that you've read what someone else has written.

Grief can choke you. It’s dangerous, something else you have to beat.

The digital image annihilates photography while solidifying, glorifying and immortalizing the photographic.

Saint John Paul II, pray for us and especially for our youth.