Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Growth of human hair is the absolute blessing for a barber

But miracles do happen, every shining now and then. If not now, if not now, tell me when. From "If Not Now

Don't be afraid to excuse yourself. Recharge for as long as you need. Lean up against a tree and take a break from the other bears. I'll be there too, but I promise not to bother you.

There's nothing else as pleasant as being unpleasant when there's nothing else to do, and there's usually nothing else to do.

Fire and water," he said, "don't really mix. You could say they're incompatible. But when they do love each other, they love passionately.

If time be a ring of gold, opportunity is the rich diamond that gives it both its value and glory.

The metaphor is perhaps one of man's most fruitful potentialities. Its efficacy verges on magic, and it seems a tool for creation which God forgot inside one of His creatures when He made him.

We are increasingly recognising and accepting, respecting and celebrating, our cultural diversity.

We can never catch up with life ... we shall always be eating the soft part of our melting ice and meanwhile the nice hard part is rapidly melting too.

You kill people you hate or you kill in rage or you kill to get even, but you don't kill someone you're indifferent to.