This is official today. China has surpassed the U.S. and now has the No. 1 economy in the world. After hearing this, China's children asked, 'So now can we take a lunch break?'

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions.

having patience always gives you what you deserve.

Look, the thing that's going to make Disneyland unique and different, ' he insisted, 'is the detail. If we loose the detail, we loose it all.

There is no problem so great it cannot be solved.

My depression was mild, and I could treat it by myself and pick myself up again. But some people aren't that lucky.

I don't put off any time with my grandchildren. I don't put off a thing.

Even if you're frustrated, how do you express yourself? There's no subculture like back in the day.

The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do?

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

Everyone is looking for connections between the songs. I don't usually approach a record as a concept. There's no overriding theme I'm trying to represent. It's all about the individual songs.