This house has enough nooks and crannies for English muffins.

There’s no way to stand up gracefully when your pants are down around your ankles.

You tell me the dead are coming through a crack in my barn, but I shouldn’t worry?

I missed the good old days when phones were sturdy enough to be pounded for emphasis.

This was going to be worse than the time I table danced in the diner in high school!

Banks frown when employees torch the home of their principal account holder.

Turns out there’s a reason smoking is not allowed on construction sites.

You pretty much have to take the job since you hit him with the car.

Maybe you’re worried that I won’t seduce you?

Elvis is in the kitchen and he’s making eggs Benedict!

I’ve worked with freshmen that were easier than this.

We all fail in some of our endeavors, but unfortunately, some of us tend not to see the reason to try again.

I think my life will always be worth living, though I don't imagine it being very easy.

We are all stronger, smarter, talented, beautiful, and more resilient than we were told.

How many times have you noticed that it's the little quiet moments in the midst of life that seem to give the rest extra-special meaning?

I've always been a fan of plain writing. I hate metaphor-laden, heavily larded, lyrical writing.

College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.

I'm a blues guy and I listen to blues all the time and blues is timeless.

Of the things I know to be true in life, right at the top of the list of irrefutable truths is, "No one ever listens to anyone." It might even be No. 1.

Music is an element that should be part and parcel of every child's life via the education system.

For what we are about to receive, Oh Lord 'tis Thee we thank,' said the cannibal as he cut a slice off the missionary's shank.