This was going to be worse than the time I table danced in the diner in high school!

There’s no way to stand up gracefully when your pants are down around your ankles.

You tell me the dead are coming through a crack in my barn, but I shouldn’t worry?

I missed the good old days when phones were sturdy enough to be pounded for emphasis.

Banks frown when employees torch the home of their principal account holder.

This house has enough nooks and crannies for English muffins.

Turns out there’s a reason smoking is not allowed on construction sites.

You pretty much have to take the job since you hit him with the car.

Maybe you’re worried that I won’t seduce you?

Elvis is in the kitchen and he’s making eggs Benedict!

I’ve worked with freshmen that were easier than this.

The shadow acts on instinct, not reason.

Kissing power is stronger than will power: Girls need to "prove their love" like a moose needs a hat rack.

Still follow sense, of ev'ry art the soul, Parts answering parts shall slide into a whole.

Pennsylvania is a very tough state; people don't last long in Pennsylvania politics.

I guess it all depends on your nature. Some people can't stand being alone. I love solitude and silence. But when I come out of it, I'm a regular talking machine. It's all or nothing for me.

A humble person is more likely to be self confident... a person with real humility knows how much they are loved.

Every dad, if he takes time out of his busy life to reflect upon his fatherhood, can learn ways to become an even better dad.

Every time you work on a project, it's a little vacation from the project you're working on the other 23 hours. That's the thing - it replenishes you to do something else.

As we become civilized we are governed less by persons and more by principles. . . . The best of all leaders is the man who teaches people to lead themselves.

A truth discovered always seems so plain and simple that we wonder why the discovery was so long delayed.