There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'

If you can't run, you crawl. If you can't crawl-- you find someone to carry you.

Next time someone tells you to smile for the camera, & you don’t feel like it—say no, thanks. Don’t fake your way into a happy-seeming life. Open vulnerable honesty is true positivity.

Religion is a temper, not a pursuit.

I used to lift very heavy weights in my mid-twenties - I used to bench press over 300lb. The most I ever lifted was 330lb; I couldn't do that today, no way.

The Soviet government is the most realistic regime in the world - no ideals.

It's very important with an artificial leg that all high heels are exactly the same height.

The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you.

You are responsible for what you have done and the people whom you have influenced.

In the past, no one paid any serious attention, even to the existing laws that protect animals.

After all, we are not children. It's time we planned our life.