There is nothing so annoying as a good example!!

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

What I'm above all primarily concerned with is the substance of life, the pith of reality. If I had to sum up my work, I suppose that's it really: I'm taking the pith out of reality.

The content of most textbooks is perishable, but the tools of self-directedness serve one well over time.

They who are to be judges must also be performers.

I have a side of me that doesn't care. I really enjoy physical comedy, thinking of an idea and pitching it to the director.

[A difficult childhood gave me] a kind of cocky confidence. ... I could never have so little that I hadn't had less. It took away my fear.

I think we are as screwed as a culture as we are saved as a culture.

Work only a half a day. It makes no difference which half-the first 12 hours or the last 12 hours.

I am Oz, the Great and Terrible," spoke the Beast, in a voice that was one great roar. Who are you, and why do you seek me?

The secret of our success on planet Earth is space. Lots of it. Our solar system is a tiny island of activity in an ocean of emptiness.

I admit it: above all things, I fear absurdity.